Life Continues, Even When I'm Preoccupied

Ada caught a cold and last night she didn't sleep very well. No biggie; I'm not back in the habit of sleeping yet, myself. But NaNoWriMo is over! And I have a nice little sense of accomplishment to offset my despair about being woefully unprepared for December. My house is a mess, I haven't started decorating, I've barely started Christmas shopping, and I haven't even thought about baking. Moreover, I haven't thrown out the indoor "mini pumpkins" yet, and just tonight I took down the Halloween decoration from the front door. I haven't quite figured out how to balance writing and home life yet; I tend to do either/or, in spurts.

But this morning I took myself off to my favorite coffee shop, Kaldi's. First, I treated myself to a latte while reading the last 5 pages of the Ursula K. LeGuin novel I started a couple of days ago. Then I reread the last chapter of Seek Ye First to put myself back into that voice. And I started writing again! It felt like coming home to an old friend. I'm enjoying this story again, so much so that I think I'll be sad when I finish it. No worries, though, the end is still at least 30,000 words away, another few months at my current snail's pace.

Tonight, over dinner at Trattoria Branica (Kirkwood) a friend asked me, "So, what are you going to do with all these things you keep writing?"

Ah, that is the question. And also one of my major goals for 2009. Confession: I cower in the face of revision! (I once ditched a first draft and started over rather than revising it.) Note to writer's workshop coordinators: please offer workshops on self-editing, re-writing and revising. I will show up!

Bucket List

No, not the movie, the St. Louis Bloggers January Carnival. My recent not-cancer freak-out threw this one into bold relief for me:

Sarahlynn's To Do Before I Die List:
1) Watch my kids grown up healthy and happy.
The End.

Since I'm trending a bit contrary, my other would-like-tos include:

• Have my whole house organized, top to bottom, with no Monica Closet. Not even a Monica Drawer. Just once, just for a few minutes, just to see what it feels like.
• Publish a good book, to good reviews and sales.
• Find a miracle cure for my feet so that I can rollerblade again.
• While I'm at it, find a miracle cure for cancer. And world hunger. And so forth.
• Have sex with Taye Diggs and his identical twin brother.

What? What?!

OK, well, I don't like New Year's Resolutions and I don't like Bucket Lists, so I don't play nicely with either. My mind just doesn't naturally think in superlatives like, what's my favorite book/movie/song/color? What do I most want to do before I die?

There's a lot of stuff I want to do before I die. There's a lot of stuff I want to do before Easter. There's a lot of stuff I want to do before bed tonight.

But last Sunday, I did "ask" my Sunday School class make some sort of New Year's Resolutions, because the lesson suggested that we do so.

We Believe that our lives are pieces of God's plan. What can we do in our immediate futures to help imagine our eternal lives in God's presence?

Ah, this exercise I like better. It's far less morbid!

• I can practice saying, "Yes."
  
• And I can stop waiting for the question, looking instead for opportunities to volunteer in ways that make a significant contribution without inspiring me to feel resentful or overwhelmed.
  
• I can continue the practice I began working so hard on last year, involving compassion and understanding.

On these, I've already begun. About these, I already feel hopeful.

And, in the end, I think they're more important and valuable both to me and to others than worrying about when I'll die, or where I'll travel, or even the state of my half-organized basement storage closet.